Feeling guilty when things go well for you? Do you have difficulty enjoying your successes because you somehow feel guilty? Or perhaps you realize again and again that you put others’ needs before your own and feel like you’re losing.
What if you can win at anything, without the guilt AND without others losing?
Yes, that is possible. And no, there should not be a loser in every situation.
The question is; how come so many people make themselves lose when it comes to a whole lot of opportunities?
Do you notice this too? I know I do! Whenever I want to achieve something, help someone, take care of someone, I have a tendency to put myself and my needs last. It’s so easy to think ‘Oh, I’ll just do something that I like next time,’ or ‘I’ll catch up on sleep tomorrow,’ or maybe you’re the kind of person who always buys other people gifts, but struggle to buy yourself something you want. Whatever it is, you may feel like you’re losing – which does not feel good.
And at the same time you also believe that if YOU are the one to win, other people will lose. Which you then feel guilty about and before you know it you never really get to enjoy taking care of you without feeling bad about it.
It’s a pattern. And it’s – luckily – not that hard to change it.
Lose your winning mentality
It’s all about changing your perspective. Start by losing your winning mentality. Yes, this is something you do want to lose.
Simply view everyone as a winner, including yourself. Life isn’t a sports game. Life is this amazing adventure that you’re here to enjoy, just like everyone else. You’re not here to become better than others or than anything and you’re not here to be less than others either.
If we’re all meant to be winners, why would you keep striving to win? There are no losers to begin with and there never will be.
This may sound counter-intuitive though. Why work when you can’t win? Why make an effort? But the thing is; when you know your purpose, you’re always going to want to do something. You’re going to want to make an impact. You will always want to feel good and make others feel good. Simply because your heart tells you to. You will get inspired and start acting from there, to make a difference.
And let’s be honest; you’ve already won. You’re YOU! You’ve already hit the jackpot and so did everyone else as their unique selves. As a conscious being it feels best to make this world a better place for others and yourself, so why not strive to do just that, with your unique capabilities. Meaning; everyone is equally important. Everyone’s needs matter.
Put yourself first
The next thing you can focus on is putting yourself first.
Do you think you’ll be able to serve others equally when you don’t look after yourself? Can you really make the impact you want to make when your energy is wasted on feelings of guilt, or when you feel like you don’t matter enough?
Making an impact requires balance within yourself, a firm base of self-love and acceptance. There’s no need to be perfect or to do everything right in order to make an impact, it’s ALL of you that matters. Including the flaws (which may even be your strengths, but that’s a topic for another time).
For example; you can’t be a loving wife and mom the way you want to when you keep running on empty. Sure, you’ll be loving and caring, but will it feel good? I see a lot of people who feel resentful for giving away so much and getting back so little. But the thing is; you can’t expect others to see your needs and take care of you while you’re busy taking care of others and neglect yourself. Give to yourself first. Love yourself first. Take care of YOU first.
I like to put it this way; for every hour I genuinely take care of myself, I can make an impact that’s worth at least 2 hours. All while feeling good. That’s a win-win to me!
Winning in life
Ask yourself this question: How does you winning, make everyone a winner?
A simple question, but did you ever ask yourself this? There’s such magic in asking yourself quesitons like these.
For me, this was life-changing. I always felt like other people had to ‘win’ and I had to ‘lose’ in many situations. And whenever something would go well for me, I felt the need to keep my success to myself just so others wouldn’t feel bad. So there I was, wanting to celebrate, while in truth I felt guilty about my success.
Until I started asking myself why other people win, when things go well for me too.
Some answers I came up with:
- When I feel good, I can give back so much more (because I want to, not because I’m trying to prove anything or feel obliged to)
- When I win, I inspire others to reach for their dreams
- When I feel good, I’m a happier and healthier person (and thus more fun to be around with)
- When I make money, I can use it to buy things that will make me feel even better and thus I can make an even bigger impact (oh, the money blocks..)
So… the next time someone asks you to do something you really don’t want to do. Make sure you think about YOUR needs. How can you make sure both parties win? Talk about it with the other person. Even if that means having a difficult conversation because they might not expect you to put up some boundaries.
Winning in business
Are you always afraid someone might steal your idea and then get all the credits? Are you always on edge because you feel like you should outsmart your competitors, earn more, have more followers or subscribers? Or are you the kind of person who has been told you need to lower your standards or forget about your own needs to make something happen?
Let’s reframe that.
Does it actually help to look at business as a competition? Wouldn’t you rather do your own thing, learn from others and then decide what works for you? To me, it’s much more fun to share my knowledge with others, to talk to my audience (not someone else’s) and to share ideas when I feel like it or am in need of some input.
Add value to each other. There’s enough to go around. There will be enough customers for you, no matter who your competition is. No one does the exact same thing because everyone is unique. Someone else may be talking about the same subject I am, and perhaps that person feels more appealing to you than I do, or the other way around. It doesn’t matter. Being in business is fun when you attract your dream clients, people who want to work with YOU. You wouldn’t want to see a client who would rather work with someone else because there’s going to be a difference between what’s expected and what’s offered.
Everyone can win, in business too.
Bonus points when you feel amazing because you love yourself and take care of yourself AND are treating your business the same way. Oh the impact you can make!
Celebrate your successes
And finally… Don’t forget to celebrate your successes.
There’s a difference between an ‘I did this and you didn’t’-attitude and simply being happy for yourself and wanting to share that. Maybe you want to celebrate that you did the dishes today or maybe you want to celebrate an amazing launch.
It doesn’t matter how big or small or what success looks like to you. As long as you take some time to realize what you did and simply be proud of yourself.
Throw some confetti, treat yourself to a nice bath. You are living, you matter and you are WINNING at life! (And by winning, you help others win too!)